Powerful can have a lot of connotations for us emotionally. Some of us may feel a swelling in our hearts and a smile on our faces as we imagine the feeling of capability that comes with being powerful. Others may feel a repulsion at the word as we envision those who hold power over others. For the duration of this article, I ask you to hold the first in your mind. I want you to think in terms of your personal power. Picture yourself having a great wealth of energy inside you. Imagine something you would love to do, but feels out of reach. See yourself suddenly feeling that it isn’t out of reach, that you can do it! That you can make it happen and see your dream realized! Feel the energy in you and the universe coursing through you as you become more and more energized! In your mind’s eye, see yourself taking that massive leap into the next step of growth and opportunity!
Now, imagine failing.
Despite the positive growth benefits, most of us tend to experience hesitation when we hear the words “powerful action” for exactly that reason. Powerful action is an act of investment. We must commit, build ourselves up, and choose to take that leap. And when it is a success, we feel incredible. The success fuels our willingness to take the next leap and the one after that. But, no matter how many leaps we take and how much success we have, if we don’t make a goal it stings. It hurts to put so much effort into something, or any effort into something, and choose to believe in its outcome only to have it not work out. Those of you who already hold strongly to a growth mindset know that no single incident defines what we are capable of or what we can create. But, even with that knowledge, it still stings.
Compassionate response is the answer to moving forward in the face of our failures. It is well known that compassion is one of the most important aspects of healing in the world outside of tangible medical care. A kind word or a loving touch in a key moment can completely shift the direction of our thoughts and drastically reduce the amount of suffering we experience. However, instinct dictates that we create barriers against pain. Rather than offering ourselves kindness in response, we often move into judgment or guilt and experience a lowering of self-worth first as they discourage us from taking that next leap and leaving us vulnerable to pain. Cognitively, our emotional responses occur before our rational mind can make sense of a situation so leaning into that judgment or guilt or any negative thoughts you may have as a result is okay. It wasn’t a conscious choice. Compassionate response however is a conscious choice, and the beautiful thing is you can invoke it at any time. At any moment you can make the shift from a sense of failure to respect and pride in the effort. And that is exactly the shift I ask you to make.
Compassion is about kindness, warmth, and honoring. In compassionate response, we honor our challenges and actions regardless of the result. We remind ourselves of our value. We remind ourselves of the courage, will, and effort we were brave enough to apply toward our goals. We sit with ourselves and acknowledge any difficult emotions we are experiencing, not with judgment, but by honoring our struggle. With love, we soothe the wounded parts of our hearts and infuse them with hope and the knowledge that this is temporary.
Take some time and think about the efforts and actions you’ve taken in your life. Are there areas of judgment and pain to which you might need to give some attention? Can you imagine what it would feel like if someone showed up for you at the low points in your life?
You could be that person. You, more than anyone else in your life, have the insight and understanding to show up for yourself compassionately. No one knows better than you what you are experiencing, so no one knows better how to give you what you need to heal. Give yourself the grace to heal and grow. Discover the freedom in it. Moreover, share it with others.
Be the person who listens, seeks to understand, and offers a compassionate response.